Monday, January 2, 2012

Starting Small

Alright, so I've had my fun.  It's time to get serious.

Once upon a time, I had self-discipline.  Once, for ten days, I drank nothing but pure, fresh-squeezed orange juice.  I was at a restaurant with my ex-at-the-time one day, a fancy restaurant in L.A., and all I ordered was fresh-squeezed orange juice. He got an awesome-looking house-made veggie pattie that was enormous. It came with french fries.  I drank my tall glass and was content, because I knew it would help me lose weight (or so I thought, based on the musings of my favorite raw-food guru at the time; guess what, I didn't lose any weight!).

When I lived at home with my parents, I made my own food.  I woke up each morning to get to school at 7:30, so that I would jog.  I took jogging and Math that semester (and aced Math! surprisingly!).  I ate salmon patties on lettuce with onions and peppers, drank cocoa shakes made with sesame butter, ate my greens and exotic fruits, and decorated my room how I pleased. I was as happy as I could be.  I even got a tattoo on my wrist to seal the deal.  I told myself that self-harm was over.  I felt no need for it.  Then, slowly, I began to add in foods and habits that I had been terrified of. 

Yesterday, I ate a large-sized Quizno's sandwich. And was still hungry afterwards!  Only slightly ridiculous :) Today, I haven't had anything to eat.  I had three packets of Emergen-C, because I am still fighting off a mild cold that I developed.  There was a time when ''sick me'' wouldn't have dared touch a sandwich while fighting a cold.  There was a time when I didn't touch bread at all!

It is now 2012 and I feel like I have failed my body.  I don't know how much weight I've gained since coming off of raw vegan back in 2010. I can't believe it's been so long since then.  Every day was a treat, every meal a special occasion because "oh, it's been so long since I've eaten this!" and then it became hard to live without those foods: "oh how can I make it through the day without a Psycho donut???"

Today is the first week of 2012 and my mini-goal for the week is to nix the grains.  I can eat well and fine without any grains.  I love "Atkin's-style" burgers!  It's just that lately, I've been enjoying the bread too much :)

To elaborate on my goal a bit--nix the grains, eat more bacon.  I think bacon would be a great food to eat if I was eating bread, and all of the burgers I eat this week will have bacon on them to ''make-up'' for the bread.

I had forgotton that my fiance and I are going out with my folks tonight to The Outback.  I'm incredibly excited because I haven't eaten there in 5 years.  I will do my best to not get TOO excited and to eat within my goals. How pathetic would that be? The first day of my goals and I blow it :)

I'm very excited that I'm setting goals, it feels very good! This is gonna be my year!

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